Doozer's Den

06:21 pm

Ok, so i am going to concede the fact that i can never stay on top of this thing. However, i do constantly check it so that i know what is going on with everyone and how your lives are. I do care. As for my life, busy as usual. Now that i am attending grad. school my life has gotten more hectic. I am taking three classes this semester and the work isnt bad. Compared to what i had to do for my history major and psych/english minors it is easy. Yet, the field hours that i have to do are a scheduling nightmare. I do work in a preschool but hours are required for some upper levels as well, and they occur during my normal work times, so i have had to take some days off to get everything done. I like the classes, they seem to be useful, which is always a benefit.
With friends there have been some downs but they are on their way to mending hopefully sooner rather than later. I just have to keep reminding myself and other people that i can only do the best that i can, and not let the little things affect me as much as they do. Sometimes i feel like an old lady due to my lack of energy and such, but i finally have realized that trying to do everything at once takes its toll. On the whole, i am a generally more well balanced person than i have ever been and would prefer to stay that way for quite some time.
On the romance front, the relationship is still going strong, about 5 months now, though it feels much longer. It is kind of ridiculous how happy we have been and what a change it has been. The communication lines are always open and due to our general personalities there is very little conflict. I know some people will say that conflict is necessary to a relationship but i don't believe that and never have. Compromise is necessary for a relationship and so far that has always happened. Ahhhh love, but that is all the gushing i am going to do at the moment. Don't want to disgust anyone.
Anyway, i am typing this in between classes and i have to go now. Hope everyone is doing well.

Current Mood: grateful

03:28 pm - Hell Yes Woah!!!!

Okay, I know it has been a long time since i have posted, i am a goon. However, that doesn't mean that i haven't been keeping up with everyone else's posts. I am glad to hear that for the most part people are doing well and i hope to see some of you soon. Katie and Fiona, it is great that you are enjoying Japan, I wish i could come visit you. Fiona, could you post your address again, i have something to send to you, and some news to tell you. Jaimie, I haven't talked to you in a while but it sounds like things are going well, and I am glad your foot has healed from the surgery. Phyl, I am going to see if i can make it to your bar on the 6th because it would be awesome to see Pretty Suicide on my birthday, but all depends on when we get back from the city that day. Katers, if i don't see you before Otacon, have a great time, and i also have your cousin ED in preschool this week. He is very cute. Also, say Congrats to your brother for me.
Life here is pretty busy but i have gotten better at organizing it. I am even have a planner which scares me but is useful. I am down from 3 jobs to 2 which is a relief, one very much needed. I had come so close to being burnt out at the end of the school year, and i couldn't take aftercare for another day. However, I am doing another play, one called The Gypsy Wife which to a few of you may sound familiar due an infamous game of Scattegories at college and subsequent teasing. However, it is a great play, very bawdy but with a point, and if this sort of thing is up your alley, it does feature me in a nightie onstage, sleeping with the devil. There are three performances left, one in Croton Falls on Thursday and two at the Depot Theatre in Garrison come August. If anyone is interested just let me know, and i will get you details.
My personal life has taken an upswing, and i have had a boyfriend for a little over a month now. Things are going quite well, and i am happier than i have been in a long time. I am constantly amazed at how things turn out sometimes, considering had we the chance to tell ourselves a long time ago that we would be dating now and doing well, i dont think either of us would have believed it. But we are different people now and have learned from our experiences so it feels like we did things the smart way although at the time it may have caused some heartache. I dont want to gush too much and make you all sick, so i am just going to say that love can do wonderful things, and help one cope with the things that arent working out well in a way that you wouldn't expect. Okay, that's it, done with the sappiness.
I will try and be more regular with my updates but no promises, so till then, same bat time, same bat channel.

Current Mood: calm

03:24 pm

“Quentin, you're not really known as a violent filmmaker. It's not violence that people come to see your films for. It's your insight into the minds of those violent people.”

That phrase was uttered by David Carradine, the infamous BILL and nothing could be truer than those words. He has a mastery of crafting dialogue so that even the most awful of people have a human quality. The conversations between these charcters resemble those that i would have with many of my friends, and i am sure most of you can identify with that. Just go watch Resevoir Dogs or Pulp Fiction and you will see what i mean. I am not going to rave about Kill Bill now other than to say it is amazing, and not for the reasons that most would expect. I had been told that people were disapointed in the second volume, and perhaps people were, but all i can say is that it far surpassed the first volume. Not that to say that i didn't enjoy the first though. And i do have to say now, that i have a little bit of a crush on David Carradine.

In other news, i am better than i was before. I had a conversation with someone that needed to occur, and i needed to get a lot of things out that made my guilt complex subside to a certain degree that i can live with. I also hope that it made the person understand more about how i actually do feel about them, although, it was slightly selfish of me to do so. It just had to be done and things seem to have gone back to a point where we can be comfertable again.

I am definitely going back to school in the fall. Putting in my application this friday, and have already signed up for one class with two others to follow. Being a graduate student at mville should be interesting although with less drama than my undergrad years there. All my classes for next semester are at night, only on Monday and Tuesday so it looks like i will be able to hold down two of my jobs and thus not be as poor as i had expected to be. The relief at finally having a plan is making me much happier than i have been recently, as too much free time is a bad thing.

Well, i think that is all for now. Till next time,
-The Doozer

03:23 pm - Volcanos melt me down

Well, am i feeling slightly better, that is an interesting question. I know that this was what i wanted, or needed to happen but it hasnt really made me feel more at ease. I think that it has just channeled my uncomfertableness to another area of my concious. At least i am not tormenting anyone else anymore with my confusion, well maybe not anyone else yet, perhaps indeed it did save heart-ache down the road. I just wish i could figure what is keeping me from that which i know is the best choice. I don't know if i ever will, all i know is that it is keeping me from it, and that forcing the issue was the wrong thing to do.

Current Mood: confused

11:10 pm - Damn

Enter guilt-complex talking. I have just fucked-up again, something i seem to be very good at doing. I was on the other side of a conversation i have had many times, but this time i was in the drivers seat. I have never wanted to be here because i know all too well what the other side feels like. I know that the person will be okay and how strong they are, but i never wanted to add another reason for them to be strong. I just couldn't hack it, and for the stupidest, most superficial of reasons. I am so ashamed of myself right now. I wish that they could have been angry, it would have made this easier, and please, don't give me compliments when i am disapointing you. At least i know that this will boil over but i didnt want it to happen in the first place.

Current Mood: guilty

03:16 pm - Nice Marmut (not sure on the spelling)

Well, things have been going well, the gorgeous weather continued over the weekend and into today. I enjoyed it very much and hopefully will continue to do so. I was a completely lazy bum last night and did absolutely nothing except lay on the couch, watched school of rock (which was actually pretty amusing), ate cereal, and then fell asleep during the Big Lebowski. I haven't seen that movie in quite some time, and bought it the other day when i bought kill bill. I think tonight i might watch resevoir dogs, which i have never seen, shame on me. I hung out with tani and pete on saturday and had a nice time with them being silly and whatnot. The pictures that i had developed from the pimps and hoes party are frightening but if you were at the party and would like to see them, just post a comment here, or im me. I havent seen a friend since thursday which is a little bit discouraging, yet conversation has occured, and things are not so bad. Either way, the Doozer abides.
-The Doozer

Current Mood: bored

03:14 pm - Broke, but never broken

So, i was talking with a friend yesterday and he said one of the most profoundly simple thing i have ever heard. A man he knows on the back of a lottery ticket which lost by one number wrote the following words, "Broke, but never broken". To me, and i am sure to a lot of people, living what we have lived through those words are a testement to the strength that humans can possess at times, and that fighting through whatever life dishes out will never completely ruin who we are, although it may tarnish us a bit. It seems like that fight and that struggle to be strong for things that you believe in is what makes life worth living. To know that one has worked hard to achieve what they do have and at least tried to keep what they may have lost is more important than having everything in the first place. I guess i am just starting to rant here, and will thus cut it off, but really think about it, and what does matter to you, odds are, it didn't come easy.

Current Mood: grateful

02:54 pm - Rain, rain go away

Well, came back from the sun into the rain, oh, how i wish to be back in Florida again. 'Twas so nice and sunny, and relaxing, but now i am back to the grind. Work hasnt been that bad though, the kids are wonderful as usual and i really did miss working with them. Trudie isnt in again this week, which would make 3 weeks in which i havent seen my boss. Not that i am complaining mind you, it is a lot less stressful here, and she has a lot of work to do in the city. As for everything else, i still need to get my car fixed, and i sent out my taxes today. Yet, i still need to take care of a rather large fiasco regarding them which I dont feel like getting into right now. I am thinking about going back to mville to get my masters in early childhood and becoming a preschool teacher full time but i havent been able to figure out if there would be enough jobs for me in the field or if that is really what i am meant to do. The program looks good, and i am an alumni, plus i know most of the teachers and i could probably work there again and get money off of tuition. I have to call Tina, my old boss there and see what is going on. In other news, things are getting better personally as much thinking was done and old issues are put to rest. I guess the key is to stop looking for things for the wrong reason, and start seeing the right things that are in front of you. Rather cryptic i know, but in time it will become clear.

-The Doozer

Current Mood: hopeful

03:21 pm

Well, it has been a great vacation. We leave at 7:00 tonight, after we do the Easter thing with the family. So just a short update and i hope to talk to some of you when i get back.
-The Doozer

02:53 pm - Greetings from florida

Greetings from sunny florida. Made it down here alright, although we had a long trip and very little sleep. It is about 70 something degrees, a little chilly for here but i heard it is quite cold up north right now. Been outside all day lounging by the pool, but enough bragging. Also been doing some thinking as well, stuff you will get to hear about later. But ta-ta for now, I miss you all and will see you when i get back.
-The Doozer

p.s.-fi, say hi to tani and pete for me, she is not answering her cell phone.

Current Mood: cheerful

03:07 pm - Job (not as in employment, as in biblical figure)

I swear, i feel like Job. Someone up there must think it is really amusing to torment me. After the bad few weeks that i have had, it had to get worse. I need a new headlight, and hood for my car. Last night driving home for my father's fiance's, i got in an accident. Those lovely deer that we have so many of up here decided to run out in front of the car ahead of me, she slams on her breaks, i hit mine, and skid due to the rain on the road, right into her fender. Luckily her car is okay, and she was quite nice about the whole thing, but my car is not. The left side of the hood is raised, and the left headlight needs a complete new assembly. And now my right headlight wont go down, it had been working all day, and hopefully it is just stuck. This in addition to the myriad of other things i have on my mind right now. If something goes wrong while i am in florida, i dont know what i will do, it seems like someone is playing the lets push kendall and see how long it takes her to break game. I just need something to go right for once, this bad streak has to end.

Current Mood: discontent

01:43 pm

Havent updated in a long time again, i have to get better at doing that. It seems that whenever i update, things arent going well, or they are going the same as always. One of these days there will be a post with some remarkable, happy news, or at least i hope there will be. I am still doing what i do best, which is trying to handle everything that life can dish out, and make the best of it, although sometimes i do better than others. This seems to be one of those times where it is a struggle each day to not let myself hit that low point. At least helping friends with their issues seems to take the edge off of mine for a little bit, as selfish as that may sound. Not that, i wouldnt help people otherwise, but i cant deny the benefit that i recieve from it. Lately, it has been hard not to be bitter, and putting on a smile for others good news hasnt come easily (although, that seems to be situation specific). Someone made the comment last week that i was as close to an angel as they had ever met, and i thank them for that compliment, but i am not. I am a person, with all the faults that people have, but if i let myself walk down this road, like i am now, then i am lost. I cant allow myself to think this way, it is too harmful and it isnt the person that i want to be, but like i said it is a struggle. And i dont want to sound like i am a victim, because i am not a victim, i can be the engineer of my own sorrow plenty of times, but that doesnt make it hurt any less. I guess what i am trying to say is the lonlieness is kicking in again, and without anything going on to take up that up space where it lies, it is hitting harder than ever. But this too, i am sure shall pass, i just have to wade out the storm until it does.

~The doozer

Current Mood: lonely

09:21 am - Bloody Curtains

The exhibition is up now, and from what i can tell it looks good. However, i wasn't able to attend the opening so i have no clue whether people were happy with it. I hope that everything went well, as it was the first exhibition that i worked on start to finish, and poured so much time into. It should be running probably until June-ish. As for the show, last night was something else. First of all, we had our first sold-out performance of the run, complete with a waiting list. The head of the theatre was there, as well as one of my bosses from the board of the historical society. It was a high pressure night for all of us, and of course, being that it was a high pressure night, Murphy's Law kicked into effect. Those wonderful curtains that have been a pain in me arse decided that last night, they were going to jump the pulley. They wouldnt raise at the end of famous feet, Ariane had to do her number in front of the curtain, and we had to stop the show for 5, so that we could reset the pulley, and raise the curtain. However, the cardboard roll that the curtain is on also decided to break in the middle so during intermission we had to tie up the curtain and the rod to the bar it is hanging from. Frank was going to try and fix it last night after the show, so hopefully it will be working today, but i dont trust it, and it is a saftey hazard. I would rather use the back curtains, which is what i believe we are going to do. However, there was a bit of poetic justice, the man who designed and set up the curtains badly for us was there last night, and got to see them muck it up. After the show, which ended late, i didnt get out of there until around 10:45, Kate and Jessie came down and gave me a well needed dose of laughter. Kate, it is great to have you back.

~The Doozer

Current Mood: nervous

10:49 pm - Just a quick quiz, yoinked from phyl

What color are you? (Anime Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: listless

12:10 pm - An actual update

Well, i know haven't actually given in an actual update in a while so i should probably do that. Things have been really crazy around here lately, many ups and downs, more downs than ups though, and i have been trying to avoid a melodramatic post, so that is why i waited. Work is quite hectic, the exhibition still isnt up, hopefully will be completed by tommorow. I am getting quite anxious because a lot of this has been on my shoulders and it hasnt been going smoothly. There was a huge muckup with ac moore, and then we got behind on the prints, and labels so i hope all goes well from now on. The kids as always are kids, but the preschool ones have been wonderful lately, although i miss colin, who is no longer part of the class. Afterschool is afterschool, but i am noticing that i have much less tolerance than i used to, my drive isnt what i had, and neither is my energy. We had so so nights of the play this week, except for Saturday, which was a nice large crowd, but we were understaffed backstage. Amaizingly, the curtains can be done with two people. I havent stayed after for the wine, and talking parties mostly because i have had other people with me, or i have been dead tired. I am also not good in groups, and social situations despite the fact that i know these people, i guess that i am just more confident while working. As for my personal life, i am not really going to get into that here, there is too much to write, and very little space and much that still needs to be figured out. However, there is one good thing that comes out of downs, it tends to make me sleep more, so i have actually been catching up on that. You could call it an escape if you want. Anyway, that is all for now.

Current Mood: anxious

10:18 am - Just a quick quiz

You're a Harp!


What Type of Alcoholic Beverage Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

04:24 pm - Yoinked from Phyl

Doozerquing in The Trials of Doozerquing

doozerquing (Carrie Fisher) has a reputation for rigging elections. Taking a decidedly ugly turn, her personal life is said to be deficient, and elenyamorwen, her lowly subordinate (Elizabeth Taylor), is powerless to stop it. ianwilder (Hugo Weaving) hopes for a huge reformation. As it turns out, elenyamorwen is a robot in disguise. The discovery is made when she bites into an apple.

Produced by ianiceboy

Current Mood: bored

04:06 pm - and she is modest too :-P

Heart of Gold


What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: bored

01:54 pm

Again finished the work i had to do for today early. We got all the big prints framed for the exhibition so that means the work we have to do next week should be lightened. Going to see the Barenaked Ladies tonight, it should be much fun. I just need some coffee so i can stay awake that long. And some food, i am still hungry, the bowl of cereal i had this morning did nothing for me. I have been doing a lot of thinking the past few days but i think now i am better equipped to do that thinking and figure out what it is that i really want. I have become stagnant, the status quo is starting to hit me, and i need to start getting a move on things, but i cant do that until i know what i want to get a move on. I am being pulled in two different directions job wise, and thus, schooling wise, so i havent made any new steps in that area. I guess getting my ass up and working on the play is a step in the right direction but as always, it comes at the time when things are the most stressful. Yet, this is me, i wouldnt be happy if i didnt have 4 things to do at once. All i can say, is that i have wonderful, supporting friends with great listening ears, and ones that have kept me sane, or slightly insane (ian) in the midst of everything.

~The Doozer

Current Mood: hungry

05:51 pm - baby steps

Well, i took the step, it has been done, but i am not sure how i feel about it. I don't know if i made the right decision but only time will tell on that account. I just hope i got out everything that i needed to say, for whatever good it does. I don't know, maybe i am just not good at talking, despite all the talking i do. For some reason i thought this was supposed to be liberating, but i don't know if i feel liberated, or bothered because i had dredge up everything i put away on that nice, compartmenatalized shelf in the back of my mind. I guess only time will tell.
Anyone have an excess of hugs they could pass on?

~The Doozer

Current Mood: listless